Regardless of our convictions or fear of commitment, having a child is a primitive act. At a certain age, everyone feels the need to have a child. However, if you are a polyamorous person, you may find it difficult to find the right person who shares your principles or supports your convictions. What if you choose to become a co-parent? This is the ideal solution for conceiving a child when you are polyamorous.

Understanding Co-parenting

Is this the first time you’ve heard the term “co-parenting”? It refers to the conception of a child without necessarily having an emotional bond between the two parents. On the other hand, you do have a commitment with the child you have conceived together. The expenses associated with pregnancy, childbirth, and delivery of your child are shared. Custody is also shared. You participate in the child’s education without being accountable to the other parent for your personal relationships.

If you want to have a child, but do not want to be involved in a monogamous relationship or if one partner is not enough for you, having a child through co-parenting is the best solution for you. However, you need to establish some ground rules from the beginning to avoid any misunderstandings in the future.

Combining polyamory and parenthood

Being a parent is a huge responsibility. Sometimes it requires sacrifices or leaving behind some things you hold dear in your life. First, let’s take a look at the so-called “polyamory”. Here is a relationship in which you can be involved with more than one person at a time. Everyone involved consents to this. As you probably can see, having a child with one person and not having a child with the other can be a problem. That’s why having a child outside of your relationship is a good idea.

Separating your love life from your role as a parent

At first glance, this may be a problem, since your child will probably continue to meet with you regularly. However, if you have joint custody, you can easily separate your life with your partners from your life with your child. All you have to do is meet with your partners when your child is not around. Also, the fact that your child meets your partners can be confusing, and he may not understand the whole situation. 

It is therefore a matter of being well organized and sticking to your schedule. If you have the custody of your child during the weekend, then try to schedule your dates with your partners during the week. This will also prevent any other people from getting in touch with your child. Of course, you should discuss this situation with the co-parent if you want to avoid any misunderstandings.

Provide a stable environment for your child

Polyamory is often a choice. However, unless you live in an isolated location deep in the jungle, your child will need a stable environment to grow up in. However, the choice to expose your child to your polyamory can be a hindrance to his or her development. One of the rules of co-parenting is to provide a stable environment for your child in every area. In order to provide this environment for your child, you must first be aware of the commitments you have made to him. 

There is a difference between donating sperm and being a co-parent. While the former donates his sperm to allow a person to become pregnant with the help of one of his gametes, the latter, while similar to the former, also offers comprehensive support for raising and supporting the child. In this case, if you want to have a child while being polyamorous, you should talk to the mother of your child. Together you will find a solution that will ensure the proper development of your child.

Advantages and disadvantages of combining co-parenting and polyamory

You should carefully analyze your situation to determine whether co-parenting is the best solution for you if you want to have a child. However, you may have trouble making up your mind. To help you make the right decision, we’ve identified some advantages and disadvantages related to these two situations.

Advantages of combining parenthood and polyamory

When you decide to live a polyamorous lifestyle, it means that you are not permanently committed to one person. In other words, you are free to find another partner without having to make a long-term commitment. You are then free to be involved in relationships with several people without being held accountable.

Thanks to this non-commitment, you have the possibility of having a second life without your partners knowing about it. Your child will then be safe from the turmoil of your love life. And since you won’t have to endure the pains of separation or divorce, you won’t negatively influence your child’s stability either. You will be raising your child in a stable environment where there will not be a roller coaster of emotions.

Disadvantages of being a co-parent while being polyamorous

We are part of society, so it’s hard to escape from it. Although polyamory is becoming increasingly common these days, your child, who was born through co-parenting, may have some questions. Your private life matters only to you, but as your child grows up observing the lives of his peers, he may wonder a few things. Even if you never expose him to your polyamorous situation.

If you reveal your choice to your child, he could be mocked and criticized by other children as he grows up. This kind of situation can be very upsetting, even if you provide him with all the love in the world. As your child grows older, he may also follow your example and avoid commitment, or he may simply end up no longer believing in love.  Of course, this does not mean that not believing in it is a bad thing. That point of view may be different depending on your principles.

How to find a co-parenting partner when you are polyamorous?

When choosing a partner, whether it is for marriage or a co-parenting relationship, the important criterion will be to pick a person who you think is a good mother or father for your child. When it comes to co-parenting, you need to find someone who accepts or is experiencing the same situations as you. Polyamory is not for everyone. What you need is someone who understands you. But in addition to this condition, you need to find a person who meets your criteria. 

In fact, in co-parenting, you need to establish criteria, for these will be the genes of your future child. Besides appearances, you must consider health, character, and especially their financial situation. As a matter of fact, you both must take financial responsibility for your child. 

If you have already identified all the criteria for choosing your future child’s mother, you might be having a hard time finding her. How about using Coparentalys to find the right person? The site will connect you to the person who meets all your criteria and is willing to accept your polyamorous position.