The reality of gay parenting

Being a gay parent has long been considered a taboo; it is no wonder that the subject is at the heart of many discussions. Gay parenting breaks the norm since parenting is associated with marriage.and heterosexual relationships. Many people question how one can be gay and a parent?

The intrigue of having parents of the same sex

One of the most common questions asked by prospective gay parents is how they can explain to a child why he has two moms or two dads. Children with gay parents quickly notice that other children have one mom and one dad. This raises a number of sensitive issues as regards the child’s identity due to the lack of either a mother or father figure in the household. In turn, the child will demand a clear explanation from the parents. It is vital for gay parents to ensure that children understand the intricacies of the family setup, particularly the unconventional relationship status. Lying to the children is simply not an option, especially when they are old enough to understand complex family issues. In a majority of cases, the children will want to know their true origins (biological parents).

Managing issues surrounding the absence of a mother of father figure

Traditional families are attentive to the needs of their children. They ensure that they grow up in an environment with both female and male role players. In such a setup, a child is surrounded by grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins. In the context of co-parenting, the child has the opportunity to grow in a family comprising a gay couple while regularly seeing his biological mother or father. It is important for the child to have the opportunity to come into contact with both sexes. Children need to learn from both sexes since they play distinct roles. On the other hand, people outside the family setup often act as a decompression chamber for the children, they can ask questions that are not addressed by the parents or other family members. This helps in the development of a balanced view, particularly when it comes to identity.

Developing a balanced view

Scholars also agree with the principle that all children need to have mother and a father in their lives. However, figures show that the children of gay couples are doing well; they are enjoying balanced and fulfilled lives similar to those raised by heterosexual couples. Gays are just as good at playing the parenting role; they capably attend to the child’s needs (be it material, emotional, social or medical needs). The children are perfectly integrated in society – both in school and later as adults. It is also important to help the children make things by themselves as a means to prepare them for their future.

In adulthood, children of gay couples become parents with a straight or gay orientation like everyone else. Some testimonials show that children with gay parents never feel like they lack anything, not even a father figure when they grow up with a couple of women. Children from such family settings often regard their childhood as fulfilling and balanced. The same applies to their adulthood. Children quickly understand and accept their parents if they are told the truth from an early age. They need to know whether they were adopted or are a product of artificial insemination. Once a child knows everything about his origins; it is easy to live well. The role of the gay couple is fundamental in creating a balance.

Managing the dynamics of gay parenting

To create a happy family, the gay couple should reflect on the challenges and their capacity to handle the needs of a child. This allows them to make an informed decision. Raising a child when one is gay requires a high level of self-awareness when it comes to identity as a man or woman and as a future father or mother. Taking this path transforms the lives of both parents. One of the greatest challenges faced by gay parents entails dealing with the perceptions of people around them.

In some cases, gay couples feel the need to explain to staff at the nursery or school why their child has parents of the same sex. When it comes to the child’s education, psychologists emphasize the importance of ensuring that the child understands the role of each parent. Gay couples must share tasks based on their preferences, interests or purely on allocation. It is common for couples to argue about allocation of roles, particularly when one of the parents is authoritarian by nature.

Frequently asked questions (FAQs) about gay parenting

Is a gay couple’s child more likely to become gay as an adult?

There is absolutely no psychological or scientific proof to categorically confirm why some children are born homosexuals and why others are heterosexual. Being a child raised by gay parents does not necessarily translate to becoming gay as an adult. The mechanisms that come into play with sexual orientation are many and varied, and are not dependent on how a child is raised (at least not exclusively). Children from gay households are no more gay than children raised by heterosexual couples.

How can gay parents ensure that the child is exposed to both male and female role models in the family setting?

Homosexual couples have families: fathers, brothers, mothers, sisters; therefore, their children will not be completely excluded from masculine or feminine influence. Couples should allow the children to spend enough time around various members of the family.

How can children differentiate between the parents

As can be expected, children will experience the need to differentiate the two moms or two dads by naming them differently. It may be a slightly modified term “mum and mum”, or adding a name Papa David Julien and dad. The best solution is of course, one that allows the child to easily address both parents.