Are parenting classes worth it if I’m a co-parent?

With parenting classes becoming increasingly popular, we may wonder if we should take one and if it’s really worth investing our time and money in something we’re not sure will benefit us. And the answer in most cases is: it never hurts to learn a little more.

Parenting classes for co-parents

A good parenting class is one that offers not only information, but also tries to collectively find answers to your questions, it is a class that helps you work on yourself and your self-esteem as a parent. Being a good father is a skill that is developed when you have the proper tools, and when you are a co-father you have the advantage that your only focus is on the child.

Today’s parenting courses are adapted to different types of families and just as there are courses for couples, there are also courses focused on single parents and co-parenting. Although voluntary co-parenting is just now coming out into the open as a common family alternative, the tools are the same because its focus lies not on relationship issues but on the well-being of the child.

Do not feel intimidated if ads for co-parenting classes generally talk about “divorced parents,” as you know by now, the logic behind it is still to use the best tools to raise your children in two separate homes. You will be surrounded not only by parents who have the same concerns as you, but also by professionals who are more familiar with the subject than you are, especially if this is the first time you are embarking on this adventure.

Keep in mind that there are two types of classes, first, co-parenting classes and second, parallel parenting classes.  They are two very different things, because when we talk about parallel parenting, we are talking about high-risk family situations that can involve toxic relationships or even domestic violence. Therefore, in a good co-parenting agreement, it would be best for you to avoid these parallel parenting classes because they focus more on issues related to high conflict divorces than on the aspect of a shared parental relationship.

Having chosen a parenting or co-parenting class, depending on the availability in your area, be clear about your goals, remember that there is no such thing as a class that can answer all your questions. It is best that you try to find a class that aims to empower new parents so that they feel able to handle the new situations that will arise throughout their new family life.

Whether you decide to take it on your own or in conjunction with the other co-parent, here is a list of pros and cons that will make you think about its usefulness and whether it is worthwhile in your particular case:

Pros

Gaining confidence

Parenting classes are not going to teach you everything you need to know about a child. As you might imagine, being a great parent is not something that happens overnight, but rather something that you acquire through experience. However, learning some concrete information can help you better manage those fears you may experience when faced with the uncertainty of all the changes that lie ahead.

Every pregnancy, every birth and every child is completely different, and what will happen in your case may not be very similar to what you saw in class, but having a certain amount of information stored in your head will allow you to act more instinctively and have at least a basic understanding of the choices available to you in a wide variety of circumstances. 

Meeting other parents

Everyone needs support during these important moments in life, you may have your family or friends by your side, giving you words of encouragement and assuring you that everything will be fine, but often we need a more relatable degree of empathy than just words. Attending a class where you meet other people who are going through a similar situation at the same time as you will make you feel that you are not alone and that you can talk to people who really understand you.

Besides having someone to talk to and exchange advice with, it’s a great emotional support, and if you manage to establish a friendship, you have the small extra advantage that your new friends’ children can be excellent for future playdates.

Familiarizing yourself with the hospital or birthing center

Whether you are the one giving birth or have agreed to be present with the co-parent at the time of birth, this point may be worth considering.  Some hospitals, clinics and maternity centers organize the classes in their own facilities in which case it can be an advantage to know the place and its protocols well in advance. This will result not only in less stress for the mother, but also in less anxiety, a greater ability to react since she is more familiar with the environment, and an instructor (probably a health professional from the same facility) who knows her a little better as a person and who, due to the circumstances, has been continuously monitoring her progress.

Learning about a wide variety of topics

If possible, look for a class that can give you the opportunity to take lessons with different health professionals: pediatricians, breastfeeding specialists, occupational therapists, psychologists, teachers who work with young children, etc. It never hurts to have some basic information, because as you already know, no one can guess what the future might bring, so it is better to have the knowledge to respond to a wide variety of situations.

When it comes to your children, and even more so when you are a first-time parent, there is no such thing as a trivial question. The possibility of contacting various professionals will give you a better chance of asking the right question to the right person. In the end, there is no such thing as irrelevant questions, it is more a matter of finding the specialist who has the most appropriate approach to your specific topic.

Establish a deeper bond with your child

Sometimes we stay so focused on what’s going to happen, how to control the situations, whether we have everything organized in the right way and what may or may not be needed, that we forget to think about the baby that’s coming as an individual and a unique little person. Thanks to the lessons of these classes, you will have much more awareness, even before his birth, that the child, just like yourself, is an individual with thoughts and a temperament of his own. You will also learn that there will be situations that you will have to confront and handle on your own. These classes often have a “help them grow” approach rather than the traditional “control their lives” approach, thus giving you and your child the opportunity to grow together as individuals rather than simply conceive them as an extension of your existence.

 

Cons

Prices

As you can imagine, there are no average prices for these types of courses since they are not mandatory. There is a wide range of prices, from the most basic and almost free of charge offered by certain public entities and NGOs to those with quite high costs. There are those that require a single payment for the entire program, others that are paid by the week or even by session, of course, it all depends on which is better for your financial situation. In any case, be sure to check with local authorities, hospitals, maternity centers and even non-profit organizations to see if there is any way to finance such classes in your area.

Non-flexible hours

These courses usually take place in groups, so they tend to be held at times when most people are available, which means that they are usually held at night after work or during the weekends. Likewise, other types of support groups or classes (breastfeeding, postpartum, etc.) are usually scheduled during the day on weekdays, which can be an obstacle for people who have to go back to work after a short period of time or who have difficulties with the access to child care.

Too broad or too focused

Unfortunately, it is impossible to find a parenting course that is perfect for everyone. There are some courses that won’t cover all the topics you want, others that will make you feel that it is too much information, which can be discouraging, especially when you have a busy schedule.

Whether it’s a parenting or co-parenting course, feel free to ask about the program beforehand, although this won’t give you all the answers you might want, you can always get a more general idea about what the topics covered will be. And remember to avoid parallel parenting courses, as they are more concerned with the issue of high conflict divorces.

Instructors who do not fit your needs

Your instructor’s resume may be impeccable, but it can prove to be a disaster when it comes to teaching the class.  You may want to make an appointment or call ahead, ask a couple of questions, and see how you feel about the instructor’s communication skills. Don’t hesitate to tell him that you have a co-parenting agreement and ask him if he thinks he has the tools to help you with your family project. A simple preliminary contact will give you an overall idea of who the instructors are, what they are like with their students, and what they can teach you throughout the class. 

If, after reading this, you are still wondering what kind of course you should take, the recommendation is not to look so much at whether it is a specialized course for co-parents, but rather give priority to your specific concerns and see if you are more concerned about certain topics (pain during labor, breastfeeding, etc.) or if you prefer a class that covers a little bit of everything (from diet and hospital procedures to pain medication and postpartum care). Know that you can always ask a couple of questions before making a decision and calmly explore the options available to you. The tools themselves and the child’s well-being are what matter most, the rest is just incidental.