Having a child with another person without being in love and without getting married is the principle of co-parenting. It is a particularly attractive option for future mothers who do not wish to marry. However, in some cases, women may end up falling in love with the genitor. How can this happen? How does one deal with this kind of situation? What could be the consequences? 

Building Feelings

When a woman decides to become a co-parent, she is thinking that she is not looking for an ideal husband, but rather for an ideal father. To find one, she will establish a list of criteria including, among others, age, social situation, personality traits and lifestyle. What she doesn’t know is that she is actually looking for a man who meets her needs in a number of ways. In other words, she wants to find someone she can get along with. 

Furthermore, she establishes certain physical criteria, which is only natural since he will be the genitor of her child. Therefore, the couple is able to establish a bond of friendship between them, and there is nothing wrong with that. After all, a child needs to grow up in a serene environment. Moreover, as a family, they will often participate in activities together. 

As a result, the mother may end up enjoying the company of her child’s father. She might find that he is a reliable and caring person. In addition, it is obvious that she appreciates his looks since she is the one who has chosen him.  Over time, friendship can grow into a much stronger feeling. When this happens, falling in love with the genitor is only natural.

Possible situations that may arise

What should you do if you fall in love with the genitor? Several possible scenarios may occur. 

The feeling is mutual

When the feeling is mutual, it is up to the couple to make decisions about their future together. Different questions will arise: are we ready for a romantic relationship or do we prefer to keep things as they are? How will we manage our new relationship? 

At first glance, the answer may seem obvious. Why should I fight the feelings? On the other hand, they are impossible to ignore. But for a person who already has a painful past or has had a bad experience, it’s far from simple. Moreover, a child’s future is at stake. The risk is enormous, yet listening to your heart is often a good solution.

The feeling isn’t mutual 

When the feeling is not mutual, the mother will find herself in an awkward situation. She has broken the rules that were set from the start. What should you do? There are only two possible options and each of them involves risks. 

The first one is to ignore the feeling and keep it quiet. This is not a simple thing to do, especially when it runs deep. Spending time together with the genitor could become a real ordeal.  Suffering is inevitable, especially when the person is interested in someone else. The second option is to try to win the heart of your child’s genitor.  In any case, you should not make a hasty decision. 

How do you handle that new relationship?

Whether the feeling is mutual or not, such a change is always likely to have an impact on the coparent’s relationship. Therefore, it is important to properly manage the situation in order to avoid any problems. 

The co-parents decide to pursue their love affair

If the co-parents decide to engage in a romantic relationship, the best thing to do is to take it one step at a time. In fact, like any other couple, you will need to give yourself some time to find out if you are really made for each other. Each co-parent should also ask themselves about their true desires. 

It is just as necessary to accept the situation and avoid negative thoughts. Of course, there are no guarantees that things will go as well as you want. But giving up on love just because you were once disappointed is not a viable solution. Besides, becoming a typical family is not necessarily a bad thing. 

After all, the only thing that’s going to change is that you’re going to start having sex. The reason you’ve come to love each other is because you get along well and have respect for each other. All that is left to do is to learn how to trust each other and to be always honest and loyal. 

Besides, keeping the flame alive is also a must. Know that betrayal and routine are often the main enemies of love. Lastly, getting married is not something you need to do right away. As we mentioned earlier, you should move forward one step at a time.

The co-parents decide to continue in a platonic relationship

It’s not an easy decision. Yet if you choose to do it, you’ll have to live by it. The only possible way out is to keep quiet about your feelings and to comply with the conditions established at the beginning of the adventure. In any case, you must always make sure that your decision does not have any harmful impact on the life of your child. 

It is important to point out that a child can perceive the slightest tension between his parents and this could be upsetting for him. So even if you decide to ignore how you feel about each other, your relationship should remain the same. It is not advisable to change your habits by avoiding each other or to avoid spending quality time together as a family. 

The feeling isn’t mutual

In this case, it is up to the mother to try not to interfere with her child’s happiness. She is the only one who has any idea whether she has a chance of having a romantic relationship with the genitor or not. She must therefore act with full knowledge of the facts. Making a decision that could lead to tension or conflict is out of the question. 

For example, if you decide to make advances to him, you will have to be subtle. You must also be careful about how he reacts. If you realize that he is not ready for this kind of relationship, you will have to respect that and take a step back. Alternatively, you can always talk with him in order to find a way out of the problem as a team. 

How can you prevent this kind of situation? 

It is often said that love has no boundaries and that you can become Cupid’s target at any time. However, when it comes to co-parenting, you must be careful. So, before starting a relationship, you must first get to know each other. That’s the best way to avoid any problems. 

Knowing the genitor means knowing about his life, his opinion on love, his behavior towards women and children, and his personality. Does he tend to get carried away over nothing? How does he react when he is angry or when faced with a problem? Is he able to make a rational decision even under pressure?

All these questions should be asked before closing the deal. To experience the adventure of co-parenting without knowing the other person is to take an unnecessary risk. You must always keep in mind that a relationship can evolve and that a child’s happiness and future depends on you. The search for a co-parent is therefore a process that must be carried out with extreme care. 

If you want to meet responsible, serious and good-natured men, all you have to do is use a reliable dating site. For instance, Coparentalys. You will find interesting candidates and you will easily find the perfect father for your child.